I’ve had an anger issue since as far back as I can remember. The brunt of my anger usually comes out on inanimate objects. But not just any inanimate objects- I tend to come after disobedient inanimate objects that seem to need someone’s anger unleashed on them. Like last night, I was showering when a rogue shampoo bottle of Pert Plus took a deliberate head dive off the walls of the shower. I was patient with it the first time it did that. I thought to myself, okay settle, it is pretty annoying. It seems like this little thing is purposely doing it, but this happens in wet places, things slip and fall, so no problem. And so I calmly and gently but firmly picked the little shampoo bottle off the ground and placed it in the same place again letting it balance in place for a moment before I let go.
But then, immediately, this little thing went and deliberately dropped its head toward the edge and went diving off the top like Talking Tina from the Twilight Zone. Now, my patience can handle a certain level of insubordination but this just could not be tolerated. I lost it. I picked up the little Pert Plus and slammed it down again in place.
“You like that!? Huh?! You wanna take thrill rides off high things?! I’ll take you really really high and take you to places you never dreamed!”
Okay. I didn’t say any of this. In fact, I felt ashamed after I picked up the bottle and slammed it down again because I noticed a little piece of the top looked a little weak around its top.
I thought, it’s not the bottle’s fault it went diving off the walls, it’s your fault for setting it on the walls in such a way that it’ll inevitably fall off the walls. Then I’ll settle with ashamedly with this thought which always makes me angry at myself and this is where the tantrums tend to lead. Me being angry at me for pulling the cork on my anger and showing the outside physical world my rage for a while. Lord, help me to let it go some day. Help me to let it go soon.