Nine Days

12:08 AM. Again, I can’t sleep. And I’ve run out of money to buy the sleepy generic Tylenol PM’s to guide me safely back downstairs so I’ve resorted to experimenting with 6-month-old doctor-prescribed Tylenol/ codeine pills which do not actually put me to sleep. But they do make me not mind at all. I’ve never been calmer about hearing nothing but crickets.

And they kind of slow things down a bit. I realized that I’m at a huge advantage when I can’t sleep. I literally have “all night.” Not that I want to take the entire night, mind you. A few extra half hours or a couple hours and hopefully I’ll get a heaviness to my brain which spells out that it’s time to get to bed.

Sadly, I don’t even remember what the Tylenol with codeine was for. I’ve had so many medical misadventures over my life that my brain has resorted to repressing most of them.

School starts in nine days. This is both good and bad for many many reasons. The pluses: I have a job, I have a paycheck, I have something to wake up to every morning, I can sleep at night because I have to wake up every morning, I have a schedule that keeps me busy and makes me feel relatively important in my own small square in the world, and I’m not feeling like the molecules of my body are floating out into thin air without a rigid schedule I’m chaining myself to for survival.

The minuses: well, I can see them in just about every plus I just wrote down. But it’s really a matter of perspective or choice. What am I choosing to look at? The positive or the negative. I’ll let you know about a week after school starts.