Gratitude

The financial stress has been weighing down on my mind these days. I keep thinking of the thousand dollars we have left on this tax bill and I can’t seem to figure out exactly how we’re going to make the ends meet on this one. I keep bringing it up in conversations with people and it’s making them end up paying for us in social situations where it’s almost embarrassing to have that happen. Richelle was telling me tonight that I need to be grateful and I know I do but the more I try to make myself be grateful, the more ingratitude I feel. And I’m a big feeler. It’s like I want to feel things more than just think them.
We were just at the movies tonight with our friend Pete and the issue of popcorn came up which immediately made me begin the fight with Richelle.

“I want just the kid’s popcorn box,” she said.

“No no. We can’t afford it,” I said.

So Pete offered to buy it. He said he would buy a big tub and we’d all share it. I was still objecting but I could tell I was losing the fight because I too wanted popcorn so the passion was draining from my mind the more I tried to struggle away. I felt like Al Pacino in Godfather, Part III when he collapsed from a heart attack in his own kitchen, “I tried to get out, but they dragged me back in!”

So I did end up spending more money then I wanted to be spending tonight. Because I felt bad that our friend was having to buy us our popcorn at the movies. I had to help out with the process. Even though the movies somehow figures out how to charge people about twenty times the normal price of the food items. Theatres are now nice enough to allow people to pay in installment plans.