Anxiety

Spending’s become a little bit of an issue for me lately. Our budget has become extremely tight so that even the tiny purchases are starting to haunt me. We were going to a Christmas party tonight and Richelle sent me to the Filipino store to pick up egg rolls. I asked how much and she shouted the amount over the news and her hair dryer blasting.

“Fifty dollars plus tax,” she said.

“Okay,” I said. Many times, this is my response to things without having totally registered the answers. Autonomic answering. It sometimes takes a few seconds to replay the message in my head. Once I have processed the information, my mind goes into survival mode.

“Wait. You said, ‘Fifty?’”

My mind immediately began subdividing contingency plans. Okay. Okay. That’s no problem. We can do this. We just won’t eat for a week. We’ll cancel the electricity and tear out the floor boards for firewood. Sell our kidneys.

“No!” she said, “Fifteen! One five!”